"Kid Gloves"

Not long ago, someone said to my daughter, "Sheesh!  Why do you always have to act like everyone's out to get you?  The world is NOT against you."  I'll admit it, I've said similar things.  But, you know, I got to thinking about that remark, and I realized something important.  If you really want to know why my daughter "acts like everyone is out to get her," I'll tell you.

It's because, for years, they were.  

Okay.  Not everyone.  Unfortunately, however, when you are being bullied, and other kids are jumping on the bandwagon with the bully instead of defending you, it can feel like the whole world is against you.  When you ask for help from adults in authority, and they accuse you of "overreacting" or being "whiny," it starts to feel like no one is on your side.  When your parents are the only ones you can be sure are in your corner, you might even start to feel like, "Yeah.  They have to be.  They're my parents. They probably don't like me, either."  I know, because I went through it, too.

I remember too well the vicious cycle of being bullied, getting hurt, crying in front of all the other kids and then getting teased for being a "crybaby" or "too sensitive."  I challenge you, even as an adult, to stand in front of a room full of people who are making fun of you for crying when you are genuinely upset AND NOT CRY.  It's really hard.  

"Too Sensitive."  That's one I've heard for most of my life.  What does that mean, anyway?  What makes a person "too sensitive?"  Is it when a person doesn't like being called names, made a laughingstock, being hurt (physically and/or emotionally)?  Is that too sensitive?  I don't think so.  I really don't think it is too much to expect kindness and decency from people.  I firmly believe that, when my daughter tells someone that something they say or do hurts her, it is not "too sensitive" of her to be upset if they keep doing it, anyway.  Nobody likes being treated unkindly.  

I don't buy in to the whole "Sticks and stones..." nonsense, either.  Words hurt.  Sometimes, words hurt more than any stick or stone ever could.  Hit me with a stick, and you've wounded my flesh.  It'll heal.  Probably won't even leave a scar.  Hit me with cruel words, and you have wounded my soul.  Souls heal, too, but I think they're more fragile.  It takes special care and gentle handling for them to heal.  And time.  Lots and lots of time.

Yes, I know people tease sometimes.  Over the years, I have learned not to take things too personally. But, see, that's the difference:  I have had YEARS since I was bullied to learn not to take things personally.  I have had years ~ decades, even ~ to try to understand that, just because something a person is doing upsets me, that doesn't mean they are trying to upset me.  My daughter hasn't.  She's working on it, and she'll get there, but it is going to take more time.  After all, it took years of bullying to get her to where she is now.

Frankly, I hope she doesn't get there by developing too tough a shell.  I think there is great value in her sensitive nature.  I want her to learn to be sensitive, but not to allow herself to be so hurt.  I think the world needs more sensitive souls who live passionately and feel deeply.  I just hope the world begins to see that as an asset while she is still young.  

So, do me a favour: the next time someone tells you that something you've said or done has hurt him/her, just say, "I'm sorry.  I didn't know.  I won't do that again."  And then don't.  I'm going try hard to do the same.  It's not like the world will suffer from too much kindness.