This year, we really didn't make any New Year's resolutions. Well, I didn't, anyway. Some of the rest of my family may have, but they haven't informed me. I mean...as far as I am aware, we didn't make any official resolutions. But...well...the new year seemed like as good a time as any to take pause to think about our lives and what is important to us, and there were some simple changes we decided to make. As we talked about these things, it seemed to me like a "lightbulb" moment ~ "Oh, yeah! That's what's important to us!"
I think we knew. I think we started out on the right track a long time ago, and I think we do...well...okay...most of the time. I guess. I have felt, in recent years, like we've sort of lost focus. Like we've all gotten so caught up in work, school, and all of our activities that we sort of lost sight of what has always been the heart and soul of our little family.
We live to serve. Ha. Well. doesn't that sound self-righteous (yeah, okay, it totally does)? Let's see if I can redeem myself with an explanation. We just feel best when we are helping others, doing what little we can to try to make the world a better place. As a family, we are happier and we get along better when we remember to step outside of our comfortable little bubble and reach out into the world. That sounds like a pretty selfish reason to do it, huh? I don't know. Maybe, in a sense, we all contribute to charities, give a buck to the bum on the corner, donate a toy 4 tots because it makes us feel better. We're humans. We are what we are. sometimes, what we are is selfish...or, maybe...self-serving is the term I am looking for. Whatever it is, I think it's perfectly natural. In fact, the next time someone tries to tell you that the world does not revolve around you, I think you can make a fairly well-reasoned argument for the position that, in fact, your world DOES revolve around you, just as her world revolves around her ~ because, let's face it, if you weren't here, you would have no knowledge of the world at all. It is your perception of the world and how you interpret the things in it that make it whatever it is for you, and, therefor, it really does revolve around you, doesn't it. (Oh...sorry...did I digress? Well, don't say I didn't warn you.)
So, yeah, selfishly, we have chosen to dedicate this year to spreading a little kindness in the world. We want to live in a kinder, gentler world. We want to raise kind, compassionate children who, just maybe, will grow up to be decent human beings who feel a responsibility to those around them. I think it's important. To feel like we are positive contributors to our world. To understand that our actions reach far beyond ourselves and touch those around us ~ that we do, in fact, have the power to change the world. I want my kids to know that they can actively shape their world, that they don't have to be "innocent bystanders," but can choose, instead, to be active participants.
Our focus this year will be kindness. From pausing to consider the feelings of others and how our actions affect those around us, to actively participating in fundraising and volunteer opportunities within our community (and beyond). For me, I think the small daily actions will make the most profound change in our lives. Just pausing each day to be kind to someone ~ paying for a stranger's coffee, picking up after a family member (instead of fussing for him/her to do it), complimenting someone, helping carry groceries...little things like that can mean so much to people.
In addition to the focus on kindness in our daily lives, we agreed, as a family, to choose one major project/event/charitable organization to support each month. Aside from volunteering, donating time and/or items and/or fundraising (kids want to hold lemonade stands for this purpose, which should be easy, since we grow lemons), we want to take time to learn about whatever organization we are supporting. For instance, when Kaia made cookies and we delivered them to the fire station, one of the firefighters took us on a tour of the station and told us all about what the firefighters do, what tools they use and how they live at the station. We met the Captain, who was cooking dinner that night, as well as the other firefighters who were on duty.
That visit to the fire station was our inaugural event, in a sense. It was the thing that got us thinking about just how much more we could be doing to give back to our community, and to our world. This month, we decided to clean out our closets, cupboards and toy boxes. We are gathering all of the items into boxes, and will donate them at the end of the month. Still deciding on which organization will get them ~ maybe San Fernando Valley Rescue Mission, maybe Disabled American Veterans...either would be a worthy cause, and probably afford us some more volunteer opportunities. It's mid-month, so I guess we'll have to make a decision soon.
A couple of nights ago, after dinner, we sat at the table and tossed around ideas. Some are specific organizations we would like to support, and some are just general ideas. Would like to dedicate each month to a different one. Here's what we've come up with so far:
Mend (Meet Each Need with Dignity)
Make A Wish Foundation
Donating shoes. I have heard about this ~ needs more research on our part.
Learn to knit baby caps and donate them.
Visit a nursing home ~ bake treats, visit, maybe sing/play for the residents.
St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital
Habitat for Humanity
Donate/Volunteer at an animal shelter/Gentle Barn
Feed the homeless (we used to make and deliver meals every Sunday when we lived in Phoenix, and would like to do this again. In our experience, they are more strict about this sort of thing in LA, but we think we're punk enough to buck the system and pull it off, anyway)
Still working on a few more ideas, but I think we are off to a good start. We already have two boxes full of stuff, for this month's goal, and I haven't even started.
In addition, the girls are going to decorate a collection box, and we are all going to throw in our change in an effort to raise money for Shelter Box. $1000 will fund a box that will serve up to 10 people, so the girls would like to raise $1000. This will not be easy. We aren't rich, and $1000 will be a lot of $$ out-of-pocket for us, so we may try to work out some fundraising opportunities for this undertaking. If you happen to be at our home, and you want to throw in a few bucks, we sure won't mind. Maybe the kids will even make you a little something pretty, in exchange for your donation. That could work, right?
So, there you have it. We are hoping for a kind year, for all the world, and we're doing what we can to take charge of our little part of it. Wish us luck. Even if what we manage is just a drop in the bucket...well...every drop counts, right?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Why Teenagers Rock
...and will, one day, rule the world.
I heard it a lot when the girls were younger ~ maybe especially because I have 3 girls, and girls do have that reputation for being more emotional than boys, especially during the teenage years (we'll talk about that in another entry, someday, perhaps) ~ and I have to confess, I have caught myself saying similar things: "Just wait 'til they're teenagers!" as though it is a threat to National Security. Can't you hear the call?
"Mr. President! Mr. President ~ this is URGENT!!"
"What is it?"
"Teenagers, sir."
"Teenagers? TEENagers!! No...no...it...it...can't be!"
I mean, really. What is this horrible thing that is going to happen when they are teenagers? They're going to...what? talk back? Get a little emotional? Test boundaries? um...spend a lot of time in the bathroom???
*gasp*
Yeah.
My kids have been doing those things since they were born. Isn't that what being a kid is all about? I mean, if you think about it, our job ~ the ultimate goal of parenting ~ is to make ourselves obsolete. Kids have to test boundaries. They have to have to find their place in the world, and figure out how to occupy it ~ who they are, what they stand for, what their life's work will be.
Have Shane and I joked about having 3 teenaged girls at once? Sure. He isn't ready for the dating to begin, for them to begin looking like young women instead of little girls. I am not ready to let go of my babies, and watch them become women because...well, really, who is ever truly READY for that? and, yeah...we could use another bathroom, if they are all going to spend hours in there every morning.
But, honestly, does that REALLY terrify me? No way! I mean, we all know, going in, that they will grow up. That's the plan, right? They will one day be adults, and we will be people they visit and, hopefully, respect and regard fondly. We can try to influence them, lead in a direction we would like to see them go, but, at the end of the day, they have to make that journey into adulthood. We won't agree with all of their decisions, now or then, but we can be proud that they are capable of making decisions. In theory, if we do our job right, chances are we will be proud of them and the decisions they make.
What's the worse that could happen? What are they gonna do ~ take over the world?
Well, good. I hope they do. It's their job, after all. That's right, folks: one day, your sweet little snot-nosed, mushy-cookie-faced toddler will be running the world. He'll be working in cahoots with your defiant 10-year-old drama queen and your slingshot-wielding six-year-old. And we will all be at their mercy.
So, I hope we are getting this right. Face it, we don't get a do-over. I am trying to instill in my children what I think are good values. I am trying to raise caring, kind, compassionate, creative people who have the confidence to work toward their goals. I am doing my best to prepare them to take on the world, and make it their own. I am trying to teach them to respect themselves and others, and to stand up for what they believe is right. I am teaching them to think for themselves, and question authority ~ to not allow anyone, no matter how important, powerful or seemingly well-educated they appear to be to spoon-feed them opinions.
At least...I HOPE I am. It's challenging, when you realize that, as a parent, you ARE authority ~ that they will question and challenge you, before they move on to the rest of the world. But...well...if I stop and think about it, it's all part of the process ~ a step on the road to growing up and becoming those people who rule the world.
Granted, I am just barely beginning to tread the waters of parenting a teenager, but, all joking aside, it doesn't scare me. My daughter is becoming a young woman with thoughts, opinions, ideas and goals of her very own, and, frankly, it is interesting to be a part of her life right now. Honestly, it's not all that different than parenting her has always been, except that, sometimes, she understands things she didn't used to understand. In fact, that has happened before in her life. When she was 5, she understood and navigated the world differently than she did when she was an infant, and when she was 10...well, she wasn't 5, anymore. There is nothing magically scary about people whose ages end in "-teen." Parenting them will raise its unique challenges, just as parenting children at every age does. But, come on. We're parents ~ we can do this. We've done it before, this adapting to our child's developmental needs, and we will do it again...and again...and again...
My plan is to continue to support and guide my daughters, throughout their lives. I hope they will always talk to me, and tell me how they feel and what they believe, what is important to them. As far as teenagers being more emotional than other people is concerned...*shrug*...eh, it's pretty hard to tell around here ~ we've always been emotional people. And, you know, that's okay. We are passionate in our beliefs and our actions, and that's not a bad way to be, no matter what age you are.
If, perhaps, you are of a more temperate nature, and your teenagers' passion should take you by storm, I respectfully request that you try to see what's good about it. Try to focus on that ultimate goal, and see if you can picture yourself, one day, relaxing on your porch with a glass of iced tea, confident that you are in good hands, because your kids ~ those grown-ups, who were once your little babies ~ rule the world.
They will.
There is no doubt in my mind that, one day, they will.
I heard it a lot when the girls were younger ~ maybe especially because I have 3 girls, and girls do have that reputation for being more emotional than boys, especially during the teenage years (we'll talk about that in another entry, someday, perhaps) ~ and I have to confess, I have caught myself saying similar things: "Just wait 'til they're teenagers!" as though it is a threat to National Security. Can't you hear the call?
"Mr. President! Mr. President ~ this is URGENT!!"
"What is it?"
"Teenagers, sir."
"Teenagers? TEENagers!! No...no...it...it...can't be!"
I mean, really. What is this horrible thing that is going to happen when they are teenagers? They're going to...what? talk back? Get a little emotional? Test boundaries? um...spend a lot of time in the bathroom???
*gasp*
Yeah.
My kids have been doing those things since they were born. Isn't that what being a kid is all about? I mean, if you think about it, our job ~ the ultimate goal of parenting ~ is to make ourselves obsolete. Kids have to test boundaries. They have to have to find their place in the world, and figure out how to occupy it ~ who they are, what they stand for, what their life's work will be.
Have Shane and I joked about having 3 teenaged girls at once? Sure. He isn't ready for the dating to begin, for them to begin looking like young women instead of little girls. I am not ready to let go of my babies, and watch them become women because...well, really, who is ever truly READY for that? and, yeah...we could use another bathroom, if they are all going to spend hours in there every morning.
But, honestly, does that REALLY terrify me? No way! I mean, we all know, going in, that they will grow up. That's the plan, right? They will one day be adults, and we will be people they visit and, hopefully, respect and regard fondly. We can try to influence them, lead in a direction we would like to see them go, but, at the end of the day, they have to make that journey into adulthood. We won't agree with all of their decisions, now or then, but we can be proud that they are capable of making decisions. In theory, if we do our job right, chances are we will be proud of them and the decisions they make.
What's the worse that could happen? What are they gonna do ~ take over the world?
Well, good. I hope they do. It's their job, after all. That's right, folks: one day, your sweet little snot-nosed, mushy-cookie-faced toddler will be running the world. He'll be working in cahoots with your defiant 10-year-old drama queen and your slingshot-wielding six-year-old. And we will all be at their mercy.
So, I hope we are getting this right. Face it, we don't get a do-over. I am trying to instill in my children what I think are good values. I am trying to raise caring, kind, compassionate, creative people who have the confidence to work toward their goals. I am doing my best to prepare them to take on the world, and make it their own. I am trying to teach them to respect themselves and others, and to stand up for what they believe is right. I am teaching them to think for themselves, and question authority ~ to not allow anyone, no matter how important, powerful or seemingly well-educated they appear to be to spoon-feed them opinions.
At least...I HOPE I am. It's challenging, when you realize that, as a parent, you ARE authority ~ that they will question and challenge you, before they move on to the rest of the world. But...well...if I stop and think about it, it's all part of the process ~ a step on the road to growing up and becoming those people who rule the world.
Granted, I am just barely beginning to tread the waters of parenting a teenager, but, all joking aside, it doesn't scare me. My daughter is becoming a young woman with thoughts, opinions, ideas and goals of her very own, and, frankly, it is interesting to be a part of her life right now. Honestly, it's not all that different than parenting her has always been, except that, sometimes, she understands things she didn't used to understand. In fact, that has happened before in her life. When she was 5, she understood and navigated the world differently than she did when she was an infant, and when she was 10...well, she wasn't 5, anymore. There is nothing magically scary about people whose ages end in "-teen." Parenting them will raise its unique challenges, just as parenting children at every age does. But, come on. We're parents ~ we can do this. We've done it before, this adapting to our child's developmental needs, and we will do it again...and again...and again...
My plan is to continue to support and guide my daughters, throughout their lives. I hope they will always talk to me, and tell me how they feel and what they believe, what is important to them. As far as teenagers being more emotional than other people is concerned...*shrug*...eh, it's pretty hard to tell around here ~ we've always been emotional people. And, you know, that's okay. We are passionate in our beliefs and our actions, and that's not a bad way to be, no matter what age you are.
If, perhaps, you are of a more temperate nature, and your teenagers' passion should take you by storm, I respectfully request that you try to see what's good about it. Try to focus on that ultimate goal, and see if you can picture yourself, one day, relaxing on your porch with a glass of iced tea, confident that you are in good hands, because your kids ~ those grown-ups, who were once your little babies ~ rule the world.
They will.
There is no doubt in my mind that, one day, they will.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
*ring* *ring*
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's 2011."
"So...THIS is what they mean when they talk about 'ringing in the New Year?' Weird."
"Yeah, well...it's the modern age. The times they are a'changin'. Right?"
"Guess so. So...um...I'm kinda busy with the champagne and Auld Lang Syne over here. What did you want?"
"Just thought I'd let you know ~ I've arrived."
"Thank God. I certainly hope you kicked that punk 2010 in the ass on his way out."
"Oh, yeah. I don't think he'll be coming around here again."
"Good. Did you tell him to take all his shit with him?"
"Yeah, yeah, but...you know...I'm sure he left a few things behind."
"Well, okay...I guess. If he left anything I like, I'm keeping it. Otherwise, it'll be on the curb in the morning."
"Hey, that's entirely up to you. Your house; your rules."
"Right on. Well, they're drinking a cup of kindness over here..."
"Mmmmm-mmmm! Love me some kindness!"
"...and I'm sure you have a lot of other calls to make..."
"Oh! Right...right...Yep. Lots of calls. So...well...Happy...me. I'll give it my best shot."
"Thanx, man. Happy you, indeed."
"Hey, it's 2011."
"So...THIS is what they mean when they talk about 'ringing in the New Year?' Weird."
"Yeah, well...it's the modern age. The times they are a'changin'. Right?"
"Guess so. So...um...I'm kinda busy with the champagne and Auld Lang Syne over here. What did you want?"
"Just thought I'd let you know ~ I've arrived."
"Thank God. I certainly hope you kicked that punk 2010 in the ass on his way out."
"Oh, yeah. I don't think he'll be coming around here again."
"Good. Did you tell him to take all his shit with him?"
"Yeah, yeah, but...you know...I'm sure he left a few things behind."
"Well, okay...I guess. If he left anything I like, I'm keeping it. Otherwise, it'll be on the curb in the morning."
"Hey, that's entirely up to you. Your house; your rules."
"Right on. Well, they're drinking a cup of kindness over here..."
"Mmmmm-mmmm! Love me some kindness!"
"...and I'm sure you have a lot of other calls to make..."
"Oh! Right...right...Yep. Lots of calls. So...well...Happy...me. I'll give it my best shot."
"Thanx, man. Happy you, indeed."
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